Living well in the world of COVID-19: Skills for staying calm, hopeful and active

Crisis are normally short-lived. We gear up for them and then we recover when they pass. The COVID-19 Pandemic challenges us on so many levels.  It began as a fairly localized public health crisis, first in Wuhan, China, where it felt only faintly concerning because of the geographic distance that supports our healthy sense of denial, and then more locally as New Rochelle, Westchester County, NY became a hot spot. But this crisis is ongoing and in some ways is requiring us to adjust to a long term “new normal.” As such, it is requiring us to adapt physically, socially, cognitively, and emotionally.

During this “pause” many people have time for some self-reflection. My hope is that many will get to know their own coping strategies, be they effective or ineffective ones, better. It’s important to know if you are someone who amplifies risk or is counterphobic and are therefore taking more risks around your and others’ health. Are you taking the pandemic seriously or are you at some level minimizing your fears by denying the gravity of the situation. While denial is an effective defense in some instances – for instance, on a day to day basis, most of us deny our own mortality – it can be dangerous and even reckless. This pandemic needs to be recognized for the real risks it poses to health and economic well-being. Or are you someone who is so panicked that every news item sends you in a tailspin? Or, alternatively,  are you finding yourself tired all the time, shutting down, forgetful, etc..? Depending on your tendencies, you will need different coping strategies.

As mammals, we are born with a nervous system that supports us in preparing for fight/flight/freeze responses in the face of threat or danger. Our sympathetic nervous system will kick it up a notch or more to get blood pumping to our extremities so we can fight a predator or, if it’s more powerful than us, potentially outrun it. This is in contrast to our resting state that is largely managed by the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system that enables us to “rest and digest.” In the natural world, animals are able to shift quickly between these states but as humans, we are equipped with our powerful brain that enables us to create meaning or stories and to anticipate on potential future events or reflect on past events. Often this is helpful to us and supports us in being creative, adaptive, even resilient. But when a threat is ongoing and largely invisible, that wonderful part of our brain can create havoc for us. 

Some of us will get stuck in a chronic state of high alert. If you’re someone who falls into this category, most likely you think of yourself as anxious, stressed, wired, etc… For you it will be important to practice strategies that allow you to release the excess energy or charge you carry and other tools to calm your nervous system.  Exercise is very helpful for a release. While your gym may be closed, get creative. If you can’t go for a run or a vigorous bike ride outdoors, do an aerobics class or Zumba class online. Or jumping jacks. Or run up and down several flights of stairs (in apartment buildings, you might use the public stairwell provided you wear a mask). As for calming strategies, these include everything from:

·      slow deep breathwork - with the exhalation being longer than the inhalation –

·       yoga

·      meditation

·       supportive self-touch using your hands across your chest in a butterfly formation or with one hand on your forehead and the other support the base of the back of your head)

·      orienting to your immediate environment through your five senses

·      prior

·      hugging someone in your household provided neither of you is positive for COVID-19

·      prayer if you have a faith practice

·      craftwork like knitting or needlepoint

·      grounding exercises such as bringing your awareness to your feet on the floor, your thighs on a chair, etc…

In addition to this list of “to dos” there are some activities you should limit or avoid. Certainly limit your exposure to the news right now. Yes, you need to be informed but you don’t need to be informed daily about infection rates, deaths in your community or what your leaders are doing to address the pandemic. Decide to limit your exposure to the news to once or at most twice a day. Limit your conversations with friends and family that are COVID-19 related. Limit your consumption of caffeine, alcohol, and sugar. And do keep to as much of a routine as you can.

For those of you who are more on the spectrum of depression/shutdown/emotional and physical exhaustion, you will want some of the same strategies as well as some different ones. Like the group above, you too will want to push yourself through your initial inertia to get up and go. Start with small goals such as a daily walk.. If you’re unable to or fearful about going outdoors, then walk around your apartment or house. Use your smartphone if you have one to track your steps. Try to increase a little each day. Notice how you feel in your body when you have walked for more than five minutes, paying particular attention to what feels more alive in you. Other energizing tools or activities include:

·      dance

·      singing/playing music

·      humor/laughter

·      creative pursuits or hobbies

·      gratitude practice

·      connecting with others remotely

·      volunteering

There is a great deal of research supporting the finding that people who daily focus on what is positive in their lives experience more joy and more energy. Volunteerism promotes a sense of personal control along the lines of “I can do something.” It is particularly important that you find ways to feel you have a sense of agency or control in some small way at this time when so much is happening so rapidly and we are often playing catch-up and feeling like we are being restricted or directed. Even deciding to bake a cake or call an old friend who lives alone can help you move out of a stuck or frozen state of being.

And for those who want this to be over and get back to life as it was prior to late February, I understand your longing and your need for the time being to hold onto your sense of how things should be. Be gentle and patient with yourself if this is your tendency. Your self-protection around a loss of power, safety, or certainty probably is essential to you as a lifelong strategy. But become curious about this habit as it may not serve you so well during the pandemic and may expose you and those you love to unnecessary health risks. Learning to be available to feel your feelings of doubt or fear may take time. Find a way to make the time. As has been said by so many, we will get through this and we have choices regarding how we get through it. This global event holds within it a hidden invitation to become wiser and, somewhat ironically, more connected to ourselves and to others.